There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
