Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
