Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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