did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
