I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
