I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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