why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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