oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
