just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
