She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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