Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
