They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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