do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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