I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
