I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
