11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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