According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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