well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
