i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
