They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
