Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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