So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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