if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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