cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
