eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i think i just lost a toe
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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