The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
