He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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