You really coming over, don't trick.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
