If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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