As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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