Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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