I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
