So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I understand Curling. That high.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
