So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
