He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
