I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fuck me I smell like cheese
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
