Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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