Only a mothe r could love this liver
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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