i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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