Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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