stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Randomize
