Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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