I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
