i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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