never play flip cup with pint glasses
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
