i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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