I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
