im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
