Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
