and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
