When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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